Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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