Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You can't special order awesome
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
