i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
