It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
