So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
