We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
