we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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