Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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