I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
