I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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