we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
