a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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