Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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