check it out our google latitudes are spooning
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
