guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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