if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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