And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
