How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
