hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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