You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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