if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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