i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
