dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
