just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
