I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
