Just cropdusted the office
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
