Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
