She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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