I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
