the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
