You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
