Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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