I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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