Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
