You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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