he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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