Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
