I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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