im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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