goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
