just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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