I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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