i need an iv and a liver transplant
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
