He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
