One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Where is the hickey?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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