Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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