3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
