his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
