Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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