So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
