he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
