there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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